How to be a Dutch person.

You’re new to The Netherlands and you want to blend in. This is how you do it!

20 Steps On How To Be Dutch.

  • Get yourself a bicycle and break every single rule of the road. Everyone will know you’re a foreigner if you wait at traffic lights.
  • Buy as much denim clothing as you can and wear them all at once. Double denim is highly regarded here.Dutch
  • Always serve coffee with a small biscuit to your guests. If you do not do this, bad things will happen.
  • Want to hold a dinner party? Sure! Just make sure your guests know about it at least 6 weeks ahead of time.
  • Never show up unexpected – I advise calling your local Albert Heijn to let them know you’re on your way to buy some white asparagus. (Of course do this at least 6 weeks in advance.)
  • Tolerance is not simply a virtue, it is a national duty.
  • Make sure you keep all your window curtains open, even at night. If you close them you got something to hide!
  • Do not look into other peoples houses. Try to avoid eye contact with the owner if you can’t resist a peek.
  • The phrase, ‘That is not possible.’ Is how customer service employees say, ‘Hello’ on the phone.Dutch
  • When you first meet someone, you shake their hand. After that you must greet and depart with three kisses on the cheek of every person in the room.
  • At birthday parties you must congratulate everyone who isn’t the birthday boy/girl.
  • Start drinking coffee. Even better get a coffee drip inserted into your arm.
  • Practice your finger wagging. After a week, your finger will be able to lift a 200lb weight.
  • In supermarkets, the ‘red’ milk (karne) is buttermilk. Drink this. (Even if you don’t like it.)
  • Tell everyone what you really think and feel. No matter who it is or what you say.
  • As soon as the sun is out, get up super early and find the sunniest terrace and stay there all day.
  • You must own at least one orange item of clothing, have a flag pole outside your house and have a Dutch flag.
  • If you’re stuck in a room with two Dutch people, quickly start a debate with them. You may even start a political party or a movement.Dutch
  • Make sure to have a bench or a small table immediately outside your front door, even if you have an adequate back garden. Sit here if you didn’t get up early enough to find a spot on a sunny terrace in town.
  • If you’re going on holiday, make sure you’re staying in a caravan and take as many Dutch items with you. You don’t want to eat any French cheese when Dutch cheese is perfect.

How Dutch are you then?


Katie Joy
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5 replies
  1. Edna
    Edna says:

    Haha ! I love this article. The sarcasm is good, however I must say, many a true word are said in jest.

  2. bread lover
    bread lover says:

    Well, I am German so I take al this rules very seriously and I have a perfect klic with my Dutch neighbours! Sarcasm doesn´t mean it´s not true 🙂

  3. Wild Yough
    Wild Yough says:

    And it’s not a REAL Dutch birthday party unless you pull all of the chairs from throughout the house into a circle in the living room. You must also provide small (very small) bowls of potato chips which should be placed in the middle of the circle.

  4. froontje
    froontje says:

    Funny how you see the Dutch (with a small sense of sarcasm I may hope), I slightly disagree with the 3 kisses on the cheek though…not everyone does it, I do it only when I don’t see my friends often/ see them after a long time. Other than that, pretty much accurate!

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