I am against ‘meetings with coffee’, and this is why you should be too.

New acquaintances often begin with coffee. Who knows what this meeting will turn into: a new project, a strong friendship or even love.

Unfortunately, there are only 24 hours in a day, and you have to choose how to spend your free time, especially if you have a job, home, family, children, you need to sleep, self–develop, do sports, and meet with friends.

Time is the most precious thing we have. In average women live 613,138, 52 hours, men – 515,429,79.

Once I had a date at the gym. We could not find a suitable time for both of us to meet. We couldn’t proceed with our communication via messenger – so we met at the gym. We were sweating and exercising for two hours, and we got a chance to know each other in a way that is closer, compared to if we just went out on several dates. We’ve never met again.

What you can do if you do not want to meet for a coffee, but want to spend some quality time? What is hidden behind coffee, except a possible good conversation? Coffee is not the best material to build deep relationships. Go to an exhibition, or a book presentation, a concert, or to the gym. But what to do if someone is asking you out for a coffee to kill your time?

Psychotherapy says that selfishness and a sense of humour are signs of a mentally healthy person. And also to refuse a meeting that will bring you to nothing is normal. The question arises: how to maintain communication, respect time and arrange respite with other people:

– Build boundaries. Make it clear that you cannot allow coffee meetings more often than once a month because you are loaded with other tasks, which also take time. During that conversation, try to find a compromise without hurting anyone: either yourself or someone else’s feelings, ask for the best options and don’t forget to suggest something from your side.

– Say out loud about your conditions. “Instead of coffee, how about going to the new exhibition, and then discuss it and share new impressions. It’ll create stronger boundaries between us and will help to cultivate our friendship.”

– Communicate. People have a variety of problems because they do not know how to talk with each other, or to talk to be heard. Explain your position, again and again, until the people around you understand and support, or fall away from your life. After all, life is one, and you choose with whom and how to live this life.

After an idle chatter over the coffee, we often return home empty. After an enriched meeting, such a problem doesn’t exist  – the head is seething with new ideas and inspiration. You have to be honest with yourself to build a psychologically, environmentally friendly, and ergonomic relationship with anyone, starting with yourself first.

Anna Bilenka