The Shallow Man recently read an article on the expatsHaarlem website called “are Dutch men the worst lovers in Europe?” I found this a bit rich, considering that the author of the post is from Italy. Using the same lazy and subjective methodology he used in his piece, I’m pleased to present today’s post.
Are Italian men the worst flirters in Europe?
Are Italian men afraid to talk to women alone?
Why do Italian men have a reputation of being smooth when it comes to the ladies? I’ve witnessed them in action in Amsterdam and in Munich at the Oktoberfest and am not impressed. Italian men never approach women alone. When they see a woman they like, the first thing they do is go off and search for their friends. Once they’ve found them, they will approach the “lucky” woman in question en masse. Then the guys will compete with each other to ask the most inane questions “you beautiful girl, you have boyfriend?” Or the incredibly original “where you from? You live alone?” They will fire a barrage of questions at her, like a group of Texans attempting to shoot a single white tailed deer with a semi-automatic rifle.
If the hunted female prey does turn out to be single, they will then fight for the attentions of the woman like a pack of wolves vying for a carcass.
Once they’ve had a couple of strong drinks (one beer) the Italian men at this event act as if they’ve just been released from ten years in solitary confinement and have to touch a woman, any woman, RIGHT NOW! Forget language, or attempts at making conversation. The modern Italian lover, allows his hands to do the talking. Or as the old nursery rhyme says, never trust desperate men that make pathetic passes with wandering hands on boobies and arses. (I made that last bit up).
Yes, the Italians at the Oktoberfest, like a master butcher, that’s been in trade since he was a boy and will retire after fifty years, go straight for the primest and juiciest bits of meat. They don’t care who they offend, there are thousands of women there, squeeze one, get slapped, move on to another. If you keep squeezing long enough, you might meet one that squeezes back. “Basta, the women are plentiful, Grazie Dio!”
Theories for this
Why do Italian men behave like this?
Italian men are vertically challenged
In other words they are often short and from what I’ve seen at expat events in Amsterdam and at the Oktoberfest is that they generally lack the charisma of Al Pacino in the Godfather. This leads to the feeling that there is safety in numbers and if they surround a woman, she’s going to be so confused by the dumb questions being fired at her from all directions that she’s more likely to overlook the miniscule prominence of the “gentlemen” in question.
They make love like they eat
The author of the article says this about Italians and food. “As an Italian, I’m from a country where food is not only something that you put in your body in order to be able to ride your bike till the end of time. It’s communication, it’s care, it’s something deeply connected to the senses.”
That’s true, in Italy, however, Italians abroad wolf down their food as if they are about to be executed and only have five minutes to complete the meal. With this in mind, they approach women with the view that they don’t have long for this world and had better get what they want pronto!
Italy used to have an empire
The Roman empire kept vast numbers of slaves. The descendents of Caesar, have been triggered by movies such as Spartacus and Gladiator into believing that they have a right to be able to treat women in any way they please. It’s part of their heritage. Yes the heroes in such movies and TV shows are never Italian, it’s always foreign former slaves kicking their miniscule butts, but hey, let’s ignore that and just fast forward to the sex scenes, we are Italian, women should love us, no matter how we treat them.
Religions have influenced our cultures
Speaking as a Catholic, has their ever been a more hypocritical and self-serving religion? Do as I say and not what I do is the policy of the Vatican, an organisation that is worth billions, while Christians all over the world live in abject poverty and squalor. This contrast aligns nicely with the image of the Italian male. A man that loves his mama and family (including sisters if he has any) but thinks nothing of going around treating other mens sisters like trash. Yes, religion has been a big influencer here indeed.
As you can see, it’s pretty easy to write an article calling ‘all Italian men disrespectful to women’ or ‘are Dutch men the worst lovers in Europe?’. I can do this kind of thing in my sleep. I could also write a piece called ‘are the Dutch the most passionate women in Europe?’. Based on my own experiences the answer would be yes, but of course that is entirely subjective as was the article that prompted me to write this piece. I hope that as a result, I’m not banned from Bella Vista or Roberto’s two of the best Italian restaurants in the Netherlands.
No hungry wolves were hurt during the writing of this post.
This article is previously published on Amsterdam Shallow Man.