old men

He then proceeds to wink at me. The man looks at least 70! This man is as old as the hills. What business does he have winking at young ladies in bars! I am disgusted.

Once upon a time, I thought I was ageing before my time. I accept getting older and it does not bother me much. I have never been vain and that is why I don’t even put on make-up in an attempt to defy my age and or enhance my natural look. However, I am bothered with getting old before my time. Although I am not superficial, I seriously started wondering if I am perceived to be 10 or 20 years older than I actually am. This is because the only persons who seem attracted to me and approach me are older males ranging from 50 years old to 87 years old. Yes, an 87-year-old actually propositioned me!

I am not an ageist. I have no desire nor do I have the time to discriminate against anyone on the basis of age. I write this article out of my observation, curiosity and interest. Perhaps somebody out there will relate to this.

I am married and not looking for a romantic or sexual relationship with anyone. However, I like being admired and found attractive by other people other than my husband. It is a confidence and endorphin (feel-good hormone) booster. Quite pleasant really. Most of us attached persons, be it mothers, wives and girlfriends out there will silently utter, “damn, I still got it!” when looked at admiringly or approached by other men or women. Yes, we do, I tell you no lies. In my experience, the confidence and cloud 9 boosts are more effective when approached by someone around your age or younger instead of the older more mature sorts. The following is my observation and opinion on the matter.

I am at a popular café bar with my friend LV having drinks and talking to the bartenders. This is my ‘Cheers bar’. Everybody knows my name. Two men who appear to be father and son come into the bar and sit opposite us. The younger man smiles shyly at me as he passes by. I am about to place an order for my second glass of wine when the bar lady hands me one already. She tells me the gentleman on the other side of the bar bought it for me. I am flattered and I look at my supposed benefactor, the younger man opposite us, smile and say thank you. He is about my age and very good looking so my heart singing. Damn, I still got it! I mutter to myself. But alas, he points at the older guy who raises his glass and says, “You’re welcome beautiful lady”. He then proceeds to wink. The man looks at least 70. This man is as old as the hills! What business does he have winking at young ladies in bars! I am disgusted. Anyway, I manage my look of disappointment, smile politely and thank him. The next thing I know, the old guy comes to where I am sitting and proceeds to chat me up. I shift uncomfortably and tell him I am unavailable and happily married. He proceeds to ask for my number and says he would like to be my friend. Those that know me know that I am very poor at telling people off. That is why salespeople love me. My friend LV tells him pointedly to go away and leave me alone and that ends this chapter.

I am with my 5-year-old and 2-year-old sons at a café patio in Haarlem. It is sunny and beautiful and they are running around with other kids. I am mostly sitting alone. A man in a wheelchair comes around and makes small talk. I welcome the distraction because I am pretty bored on my own. He looks about 80 years old and I immediately warm up to him. In my culture, the old are respected and perceived to be wise and perspective. I like talking to old people. I find that they have a wide array of knowledge and insight. I am having a good chat with the man although I notice that it is mostly me doing the talking and him doing the questioning. Like an interrogation of sorts. At some point, he says he loves young African women. That he had had the fortune of having had women from Ghana and the Gambia. He tells me he would like to see me on a personal level. I tell him I am not available and that I am offended. His next words…and this I will never forget are; “I am not going to sleep with you. I just want to feel your body with my hands sometimes. It is not cheating. We could just have fun”. I am not impressed. I switch seats and he gets the message and goes away.

I am having a girls’ night out with my friends K and C. We go to a live music bar. There is a band of five 50 something year-olds performing. They are really good. After their stint, I walk up to the lead singer and compliment the band’s performance. He is flattered and invites my friends and me to join their company. Everything is going smoothly until he starts looking at me lasciviously and talking about how well shaped I am. I don’t like this. As expected, he asks me for my contact details and possibility of dating. I am certainly not in his age group. Why is it always older guys? Is it my mannerisms I wonder.

I have had the pleasure or misfortune, whichever way you look at it, with catching the attention of some men in my father’s generation and my grandfathers’ generation. They love me. I am lovable, I have been told. Some love me a little bit more than others. This is not a compliment. This ‘little bit more’ is not my cup of tea. I find that it is driven by lust, lewdness, indecency and totally unbecoming of the people I am supposed to respect. My opinion. Of course, there are those who have a different opinion and I will respectfully accept such but in the same breath respectfully disagree. However, I can also see a situation where an older person is still young at heart and trying out their luck. Perhaps he wants to feel, ‘I still go it!’ or ‘I finally got it!’ if he manages to snare a young woman. The other truth is that old men tend to be more charming, confident and self-assured as compared to younger men and they can finally exercise these attributes. They have long passed the awkward stages of being unsure of how to approach women. Experience is after all the greatest teacher.

I just wish they wouldn’t experience with me.

Have you encountered being propositioned by older men?

First published on Foreign Pointers.

 

Edna Kuipers

Edna Kuipers

Edna Kuipers is an International Human Rights and International Crimes lawyer. After studying law in Botswana she went on to work as a civil litigator and family lawyer. Although she is of Tanzanian origin, she has spent most of her life in Botswana where she met her Dutch husband. Together they moved to the Netherlands where she obtained a Masters in International Crimes and Criminology. She then went on to work for Africa Legal Aid in The Hague. Edna Kuipers considers herself a world citizen having lived and worked in several countries and associating herself with people from all continents. She is founder, manager, writer and editor at foreignpointers.com. She is also a wife, mother of two boys, businesswoman, freelancer and juggles this with travel, reading, networking and volunteer work when possible. You can follow her experiences, knowledge and opinions on the blog/magazine foreignpointers.com.
Edna Kuipers

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